hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
