It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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