doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I need to calm my uterus...
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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