At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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