some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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