Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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