Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
