i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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