I can tuck mytits in my pants
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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