Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
