i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
