My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
