There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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