Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
