It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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