i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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