If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
