new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I forgot wine drunk hurts
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
