there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
