Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
