Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Randomize
