I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
