Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
then he tried to convert me to islam
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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