can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
