How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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