Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
