I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
