I like my sex mixed with concussions.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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