OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
He passed out mid-signature
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
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