Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
