All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
