The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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