weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
