recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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