Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Found your dick twin last night
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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