My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
