So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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