the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
