Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
