she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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