u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
