I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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