shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
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