I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
