you would pick up someone in the library
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
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