Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
