Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
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So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
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he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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