Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Randomize
