you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
