Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
