Please don't use social media to get back at me.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
