i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
