the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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