If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Randomize