paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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