Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
