the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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