normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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