Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
