Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize